


Pleasure to Make your Acquaintance

by orphan_account



Category: Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children - Ransom Riggs, The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Crossovers & Fandom Fusions, Fluff and Angst, Gen, M/M, One-Sided Attraction, Other, Wholesome, crossover interactions, m/m kind of but not really
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-30
Updated: 2020-03-30
Packaged: 2021-02-28 18:49:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,707
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23401771
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: The Umbrella Academy crosses paths with Miss Peregrine and her Wards. Five and Horace become better acquainted with one another, however, Horace notices that certain "feelings" for his new friend blossom as he gets to know him better.
Comments: 3
Kudos: 36





	Pleasure to Make your Acquaintance

“Doubt you’ve ever seen anything like this,” Five said pulling out his handgun from his jacket pocket. The weapon had accompanied him since his days at the commission, sort of as a backup had anything had gone awry on his missions. He only used it three times.

“Your old lady’s got the whole lot of you on a short leash,” he said quietly, as if speaking to himself. Five wiped at an ambiguous brown stain on the handle of the gun before extending his arm to the boy in front of him. “Wanna see it?”

He handed the gun to Horace, who reluctantly grabbed it, eyes as wide as saucers.  
“Don’t worry,” Five chuckled, amused at Horace’s meekness. “It’s not loaded. Hasn’t been loaded for a while, in fact. Don’t know if I plan to ever use this bad boy again, really.”

  
Never in his eighty-three years of living did he have the need to use a gun, let alone hold one. He studied the polished silver in his hands, recognizing the model. Enoch was quite big on guns as he was cars, and had a secret small collection of gun catalogs he’d procured over the years that only Horace knew of, of course, as Enoch firmly believed that he would never have the heart to tattle to Miss Peregrine.

“A custom revolver. Such fine craftsmanship,” Horace noted, feeling the weight of the pistol in his hands. “Why exactly would you need a weapon as precise and pristine as this? Were there wights and hollows where you lived?”

Five looked down to the carpeted floor, shoving his hands deep into his pockets. He had yet to learn the nomenclature of the peculiar world, but he knew that they truly did come from separate worlds, and have yet to understand the absurdity of one another.

“Well—lets just say this revolver was necessary for my line of work. Necessary for my safety,” he explained, unsure of it would be appropriate to unload the trauma of his time at the commission to someone as refined and proper as Horace. “...I don’t know if you’d want to hear about it.” He would be sure to spare any gory details about his life on post-apocalyptic mother earth. 

Horace turned to face his new friend, hands gently yet firmly clasped around gun and icy blue eyes flaring with curiosity. He shrugged, as if to say “I’m all ears, friend!” There was a a sigh and a pause, as Five needed to collect his thoughts as he did not want upset and overshare to his unexpectedly eager one-man-audience.

“To put things simply; I’m an assassin. A murderer machine,” He said watching Horace’s face tense. He knew it would have been uncomfortable to hear, especially for a boy so soft and sheltered. But what did he know of Horace’s trauma? Perhaps he had gone through worse and was bottling up everything from his inescapable prophetic nightmares to the physical fight of running from dangerous monster. He had yet to learn of Horace’s experiences—gruesome or not however, he knew their exchange of past hurt would reveal intimacy, even if just a little bit. And as foreign as intimacy was to him, it was something Five longed to share with someone for the longest time.

“My job was to keep the space-time continuum in check. The organization I worked for hired assassins like myself to “take care” of anything or anyone that would serve as a disruption to the continuing timeline. There were plenty of assassins like myself, but I was the best in my line of work!” He boasted, uncaring of whether or not Horace would find him disturbed or arrogant.

  
Horace remained silent for a moment, eyeing Five curiously.

It was fascinating how confident Five was in everything he did. There was something about him that Horace deeply admired, and couldn’t understand why— a force of some kind of attraction? No. Perhaps? It’s been a while since Horace had any feelings for anyone, after all, the last boy he’d had his eyes on seemed more interested in playing with dolls than giving him romantic affection. But this one. He was taller than Horace by a hair, which was ideal for him and he liked his his dark brown hair that contrasted with his golden blond locks, but appearances were only the tip of the iceberg. While strangely detached, Five still possessed a sense of softness—or maybe his ability to understand others no matter how ridiculous things seemed? Horace was undeniably attracted to Five, and he knew he had chosen poorly. It was so obvious. Someone as hard and assertive as Five could never want someone as cowardly and meek as him. It was ridiculous, nonetheless—he had just met the guy. Surely whatever he is feeling now is nothing but temporary. 

“I’m the best of the best...they’re still after me,” Five chuckled, as a twinge anger seeped into his voice. “Those bastards at the commission won’t leave me alone. No..not after what I did.”

“What do you mean? They’re following you?”

“Smart boy,” Five said nonchalantly, shoving his hands into his pockets again. Warmth flooded Horace’s chest at his "praise", despite it being sarcastic rather than sincere. “They’d stop at nothing to get me. They would hurt my family to get me and they’re dirty bastards for that.”

Horace’s grip tightened around the gun. He wasn't sure he wanted to know what antics Five had gotten himself into. 

“You don’t suppose they’d raid our loop, do you?”

“Hazel and Cha Cha—or anyone for that matter— aren't smart enough to find your deliberate hideaway. I wouldn’t worry about them.” Five lied behind a meager smile. That simply wasn't true. The commission resided beyond time, and they were capable of anything, even the infiltration of such secure, ymbryne-guarded time pockets. They were cold-blooded and relentless, and would easily make Miss Peregrine's loop and everything in it disappear if it meant getting their hands on him. “Besides. I think you’re set.”

  
Horace wrinkled his nose in confusion, unable to understand what Five could possibly be referring to. The only one who possessed strength in that household was Bronwyn, but would be too easily fooled by two assassins in disguise. Miss Peregrine was smart, yes, but even in bird form, she would be no match for an organization with weapons of mass destruction. And everyone else? He couldn't imagine the damage that would be done. Five noticed the confusion on his face and nodded towards his gun that was still in Horace’s clutches.

He raised his brow, raising his gun in his hand weakly pointing the weapon at Five. In that moment he felt so powerful, like a little hummingbird about to take on a rattlesnake. His arm was shaking.

Five smirked at the sight and folded his arms across his chest. He cocked his head inquisitively, studying Horace's frail form. 

  
“Cute. But that’s a fine way to fuck up your wrist. Someone as lean and delicate as yourself would surely turn to dust at gunfire.” Horace’s heart practically stopped at his use of profanity.

  
“Here,” Five shimmied behind Horace, hand gently patting the side of his thigh. ”Out,” He instructed. “And bend your legs.”

Horace did as he was told.

  
Five brought his arms around Horace, placing his hands on top of his, as if he were an adult trying to guide a child. He gently brought his head close to Horace’s, chin just hovering over the crook of his neck and shoulder, trying to maintain his eye level. Horace blushed at Five’s closeness and held his breath.

“Take your aim,” He said quietly with concentration. They pointed the unloaded gun at an immaculate antique stained glass lamp that was gifted to Miss Peregrine from another ymbryne, Miss Swan who resided in a loop in Egypt.

Five gently guided Horace’s finger to the trigger, and pulled. Horace cringed, waiting for the loud explosion. Nothing happened obviously.

  
“Boom,” Five whispered, with a proud smile. He slowly let go of Horace, snatching his gun back and concealing it into his jacket pocket once more.  
Horace exhaled shakily, still flustered from the brief contact. 

“Oh please,” Five said with a sarcastic smile, unable to read how Horace truly felt about the situation. “The adrenaline of holding it must have been something else for you, but the damn thing wasn’t loaded. You did great. You’re fine.”

Horace chortled awkwardly still warm in the face. He was unsure how to act after experiencing such whatever _that_ was. Five frowned.  
“You think I’m insane now, don’t you?” There goes his shot at making normal friends. 

“No—Well. I must confess. That was nothing like anything I’ve ever heard before or done before,” Horace stuttered,”However, I’ve had my fair share of peculiar experiences. One of my most cherished friends raises the dead after all.” _Oh no, Horace, you old fool... don’t embarrass yourself now... you're finally befriending someone normal._ “But an assassin in schoolboy shorts? That has got to be the most dreadful thing I've ever heard.” Yikes, boy. 

Five rolled his eyes at Horace’s remark, but at the same time, couldn’t help but smile at his friend's innocent naivety.

  
“No no no, you see this?” he said pointing to himself. “This isn’t me...Well it _is_ me. But I once had the physical appearance of a sixty year- old-man. THAT is the me I should be now. When I tried travelling back in time something went wrong. Somewhere in my equations I mean. Time travel is a science, after all. I'm sure if you were to confront Miss Peregrine about her time travelling capabilities she would say the same... I made a mistake and now i’m in my thirteen-year-old body. I doubt I'll ever be myself again.”

“Well consider yourself lucky,” Horace pouted. “Should I ever exit this place I’ll crumble to dust in a matter of _hours_. You’re forever preserved in your prime. I am  
absolutely disgusted at what I might potentially look like at eighty three years old. You could go anywhere you want. I have to travel within loops or else I’ll die. My thirteen-year-old form would never sustain itself.” Five shot him a sympathetic look.

“I hadn’t thought of it that way,” Five started. “But I can’t stand when people treat me like a child. I might look like one but I have adult experiences. An adult brain. I am a grown man, after all. The difference between you and I, Horace, is that you’re a child forever. Mentally, physically, emotionally, you people are like walking talking god damn fountains of youth. My childhood is long dead if i ever had one in the first place.”

“I would at least like to explore adulthood or even just the rest of my teenage years! Miss P has me on a short leash, like you said! I see the same faces every day, partake in the same activities. I feel like I'm in purgatory sometimes.”

Five furrowed his brows, at Horace’s unintentional, dismissive and ungrateful attitude towards his friends and headmistress.

“At least you have people who care about you,” he said curtly, expression souring. “They might not be your siblings but you sure got one hell of a better family than I ever will. Your headmistress knows what kind of world you’re up against and would die for you children. ” Five sighed looking out the parlour window catching a glimpse of Diego feeding Claire apple slices through her backmouth.

“I was nothing to my father. He wouldn't spare his piss for any of us kids even if we were on fire and there was a drought. I wasn’t useful enough for him to care— not good enough anyway.” Five said, his tone of voice softening. “And I will say this; I would trade whatever kind of "parenting" daddy Hargreeves gave to us have and someone like Miss Peregrine up my ass all day in a heartbeat. Maybe I'd be something else.”

The two sat in silence for a minute that seemed like an hour.

“I’m sorry you had to hear that,” Horace said finally, meeting eyes with Five, ashamed he had even given his new friend the idea that he resented Miss Peregrine or his friends. “I behaved poorly just then. I must have sounded spoiled and ungrateful, and—“

  
“Absolutely,” Five interjected. “But the grass is always greener on the other side isn’t it? You have every right to feel the way you do, anyhow. What do I know about your lifestyle? I could wish on every star in the sky for a life like yours, but in the end who would I be in such vastly different circumstances?”

“Probably something akin to me,” Horace said wryly, ashamed of how timid and easily scared he could be.

  
“A gentleman,” Five said with a warm smile. “Not bad if you ask me. You’ve got the monocle and all.”

Horace promptly took off the monocle, feeling rather embarrassed about it. Enoch always teases him for wearing it, despite it being a necessary accessory to his outfits. Every time someone commented on it, it always was an insult.

“No—Leave it,” Five said studying Horace’s face. “It looks too good on you.” Horace’s face became warm once more at his genuine compliment.

  
The two sat in silence grinning and giggling at one another, at how ridiculous the previous exchange was. They both of them knew the conversation was over, though the silence was not as awkward as either of them knew it could be. Horace felt time slow down, just by looking at his new friend. Every time they would make brief eye contact Horace would feel butterflies.

_Aside from me, how is it possible for someone to be as aesthetically pleasing as him?_ Horace thought keenly, studying Five's hardened features. He knew nothing would ever happen though—Not in a million years. Despite being the same age physically, they were no where's near the same emotionally or intellectually. It was so obvious simply by how Five engaged with him. It was nice to dream, however. 

Fifteen seconds must have passed before someone else entered the parlour room, breaking the sweet silence.

  
“What’s going on?” Enoch barked, peering in from around the door as if he had been listening and watching them the whole time.  
Horace and Five spun attentively in unison. Five coughed, surprised by Enoch's sudden outburst.

“We were just uh—“

“I was asking Horace,” Enoch spat bitterly, glowering at Five, to which Five responded in a nastier glare for his rudeness.

“I was just getting better acquainted with the peculiar folks Miss P invited to stay with us,” He said flashing a frail grin towards Five.

“Right,” Enoch said. “The old Bird told me to tell you that supper in almost ready. I'm bout' to help Hugh set the table. If you were apart of this household, I'd suggest you'd do the same.”

Enoch stared daggers at the two for a moment before backing out, lingering outside the parlour door for, hands shoved deep into his dirty pockets. He listened in for a moment waiting for someone to say something, before leaving as silently as he arrived. 

“I do apologize for Enoch,” Horace sighed. “He doesn’t usually behave as...abrupt as this,”

“I’ve dealt with real assholes in my day. Enoch doesn’t even compare, try as he might,” Five said, eyebrows raised, as a grin curled at the corners of his mouth. “Anyway. I wonder what’s cookin’.” He turned to exit the room. "My brother Luther has quite the appetite, you kids might not get a single morsel!"

“Wait—“ Horace blurted. “We should arrange to talk again—I do enjoy talking with you. You’re so very interesting to listen to—“ He twiddled his thumbs shyly, cheeks a light shade of pink.

Five smiled warmly, shoving his hands into his pockets again. “Of course. There’s still so much to learn about us and so little time. Why not bond over a nice cup of coffee later?”

“I don’t like coffee—How about tea?”

“Works for me.” said Five, ushering his friend out the door, shutting it behind him. Clearly the two had lots to discuss. 

**Author's Note:**

> wow. never had i imagined that id ever post to this musty place but this is for my pal the-rivendell-librarian. Made some edits to this story so it's slightly different now.


End file.
